The Reformed Mean Girl Advice Column <> June by Andi Oliver

Okay. I’ve been feeling very lost lately. Like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, if you will. I’m having to start all over, and I’d like to take this opportunity to reinvent myself. Short of buying a whole new wardrobe (highly impractical), where do I start?

-Becca

Becca, my bag of wind,

To quote a favorite of mine…

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen” – American Beauty

Since necessity is the mother of invention, the first thing I would ask myself is, “what do I need?” Obviously you can dye your hair, cut up your t-shirts and get a new tattoo. The symbolism of a good aesthetic change can be priceless. 

However, at the end of the day introspection will be the only outfit you can’t take off. Wallpaper does no good on a tipping foundation.  Trust me. I watch SO much HGTV. Who do you want this new woman to be? Do you want her to be shaped by her experiences? Or do you want her strength and peace to be despite them? What did you lack the most in your previous life that set you on this journey?  Those are what you’re meant to chase.  That 12 year old Becca still in you simply needs to close her eyes and remember what kind of badass she wanted to be.

The process can be daunting, as change is uncomfortable. But seek what makes you feel strong. Be it ancestor work, herbs, crystals, etc. Connect to something that makes you feel powerful and put your intentions into it as often and as freely as you can.  Finding energy and a support system is key. Ask for help as much as you need it, and find signs wherever you are. Give yourself permission to try things that limited you before, and push yourself to recharge with every new building block.

I hope this new chapter is the masterpiece you are looking for. All you have to do is pick up the brush and start painting.

-Andi

•I opened up to my friends about practicing witchcraft, and one of them has been really judgmental and belittling about it. I’ve been friends with this person for a long time and am surprised by her reaction. What should I do?

My dear baby witch,

The hardest and most painful truth we have to face sometimes, is outgrowing those around us.  Alternate paths have alienated people for centuries, and as much as I would like to think the world has softened to it, there can still often be a stigma that comes with the craft.  That being said, I would research different ways to soften the hearts and change the minds of the ones you love. These rituals can be as simple or as complex as you’d like.
Now, here’s the not so fun option… A big ol’ bitch slap of boundaries. Communication will always be the route I recommend, although many times it yields the least results. If this path has truly opened your eyes and has given you a means to channel your energy, then protect it at all costs. Know that the judgement coming from this person has nothing to do with you. It comes from a place of discomfort that stems from ignorance. I truly hope that leveling with them and telling them how important this is to you puts things into perspective. But please also remember, if they can’t be supportive, they can always be quiet.

•I’ve been with my company for 4 years and have not asked for a raise once. I get great reviews and am the associate the boss leans on for all the important stuff he doesn’t trust some of the others to do. I’m worried that current times will be an easy way for him to say no. How should I go about asking?

Dear Corporate climber.

First off, hell yes for recognizing your worth and knowing what you want. One of the hardest things about work life is asking for what you know you deserve. It may depend on what kind of work you are in, and if they are in the financial position to give you what you’re looking for during this whole Covid gobbledygook. Assuming they are, make your case! Provide examples, share your wins often, and reiterate that it’s deserved, not needed. Anticipate questions, as there could always be some pushback. Meditate on things that may be asked, and practice the answers until they feel like a line from a script.

If you want to get a little witchy with it, soak a toothpick in cinnamon oil when talking salary with your boss. This will help in the money-minded department. Make a small money jar to keep in your pocket and focus on putting the idea in their mind. This will help with the not-so-direct pitch.

Lastly, be prepared to hear “No” as much as it sucks. These moves are always a risk, but the juice would be well worth the squeeze. If it’s a place you enjoy working at, the concept is now on their radar and the opportunity may come again! At the end of the day, you know your worth and who deserves to benefit from it.

Get that money, honey.

-Andi

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